I’m boycotting all heterosexual weddings.

How utterly absurd to celebrate an institution that I am banned from in most of the country. It puzzles me, truth be told, that wedding invitations deluge me. Does a vegan frequent summer pig roasts? Do devout evangelicals crash couple-swapping parties? Do undocumented immigrants march in Minuteman rallies?

Heterosexual ladies and gentlemen, please. Don’t mail me that wedding invitation. It’s going straight to the bin.

I’m not a gay-rights activist. But now I’m a conscientious objector to all heterosexual weddings. It’s less activism than common sense. Why should I financially subsidize and emotionally invest in a ritual that excludes me in all but five states (and the District of Columbia)?